Camping Trip
by Yachi
Summary: The pilots go on a much needed vacation: a camping trip. Hilarity ensues. Mild shounen ai hints.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. You happy NOW?! I said it!!!!!

Camping Trip

"Tina, Tina, Tina..." monotoned Duo, jerking his head and twitching his eyes in beat. "Tina, Tina- YOU!" his violet eyes opened wide.

"Duo!" Wufei turned around in his seat to face the now laughing Duo. Duo leaned his elbows on the front seats, put his face close to Wufei's and asked in an audible whisper, "Is poor Fei afraid of ghost stories?"

With one hand Wufei pushed Duo back into his seat, and was just swinging his other when TUNK! Hit his elbow on the dash board behind him. Wufei winced as he rubbed the sore spot and flexed his numb hand. Duo threw his head back in a fresh bout of laughter.

"Guys, guys!" the driver, Heero, shouted, "I WILL turn this car around if you don't behave! Fei! That means both of you! Let go of Duo's braid!"

Wufei let go of the American's braid (not with out giving it a sharp tug) and put away his katana. Duo quickly stuffed his braid down the back of his shirt, lest Wufei suddenly get the urge to again pull out the knife. Once assured that no harm could befall his precious hair he put his chin on Heero's shoulder (which was difficult considering the fact that he had to lean across Quatre to do so). "Got any good stories, Heero?" he said playfully.

"No more stories!" roared the Chinese. Duo reached for the back of his own head to make sure Wufei didn't get anywhere near it. In a mock baby voice he said, "Is poor, baby Fei 'fraid of scary ghosties? Aw, well, we wouldn't want to frighten little baby Fei!"

"Please stop!" the voice came from a paler than usual Quatre. "Please, no more stories!" He looked absolutely terrified. He held on for dear life to Trowa's arm, which had long since lost all feeling.

Silence as Duo thought of something else "fun" for them to do. "Jello!" he shouted out in glee as the car went around a bend. He slammed into Quatre, forcing him into Trowa.

"What the heck are you doing now, Maxwell?!" shouted Wufei in fury.

"Playing Jello" he replied brightly.

"And what, pray tell, is that?"

"It's a game."

"Well, I figured that much," Wufei said flatly.

"I'm guessing," said Trowa, rubbing his head where it had hit the window, "that the point is to squish the person on the opposite side of the car each time we turn, ne?"

"Yeah, and that's why you never sit in the middle!" Duo grinned at Quatre, who was, in fact, sitting in the middle.

"Stupid American games," Wufei muttered under his breath, turning his eyes back to the road.

"You ruin all my fun!" Duo said dejectedly with his chin rested on his hands. "Hey, Heero! Are we there yet?" he asked, lifting his head.

"No, but we should be there soon," he replied calmly, he being the only one in the car not nursing a Duo related wound.

"How 'bout now?" asked Duo.

"No."

"Now?"

"No."

"How about now? Are we there now?"

"Nope, still not there Duo," sighed Heero, knowing he'd probably continue until someone _made _him stop, which would be soon, considering the twitch in Wufei's eye.

"Are we there yet? Huh, huh, huh? Are we?!"

"SHUT UP!" Wufei grabbed Duo by the collar. "If you say 'are we there yet' one more ti-"

"We're here" Heero said as the car came to a halt.

"-and while he does that, Trowa, can you start the fire? I'm going to prepare dinner."

Trowa rummaged for the matches, "What are you planning to cook, Quatre?"

"Spinach-stuffed lamb roast, with steamed carrots on the side, oh, and a fresh garden salad," Quatre smiled, knowing that this was Trowa's favorite dish.

"Quatre, you can't cook that! We're _camping_!"

"But... I don't understand... why not?" Quatre asked, confused, and a bit hurt, by Duo's remark.

"When you go camping," Duo said matter-of-factly, "you eat s'mores, and Spam, and canned soup, and-"

"S'more?" asked Quatre, now doubly confused.

Duo was shocked. "You don't know what a s'more is?" He turned to Heero, "Heero, you know what s'mores are, don't you?" Heero shook his head. "Trowa? Fei? You guys know what it is?" They shook their heads. Duo looked as if the world had been turned upside down. Coming to his senses he said, "Then I'm just going to have to teach you guys, won't I?" and skipped off, literally, to find the gram crackers.

"You do _what_ now?"

Duo started over, "You take a marshmallow, put it on a stick, like this, I'll show you," Duo snatched the stick out of Wufei's hand and stuck a marshmallow on top. "Now you roast it in the fire." He stuck it in the middle of the fire; he quickly pulled out the burning ball of goo and blew it out. He broke off a chunk of chocolate and put it in the middle of a graham cracker, as the marshmallow slid slowly down the stick. He pulled it off with one hand and stuck it on the cracker. Then he shoved the whole thing in his mouth. The others just watched in disgust.

"Ebby un 'anna wi?" Blink, blink. Duo swallowed and repeated. "Anyone want to try?"

"Uck! If I eat another marshmallow I'll throw up!" Duo shoved the rest of the burnt glob in his mouth. "Heero, pass that bag over here."

"I thought you said you weren't going to have anymore," he commented, handing the now almost empty plastic bag over.

"No, I said I'd _puke _if I ate another one, not that I _wouldn't _have another," he corrected, laughing. Skewing a marshmallow he dropped his voice to a malicious whisper, "Anyone up for ghost stories?" Quatre's eyes opened wide in fright and he snuggled closer to Trowa.

Duo woke, groggy from an unpleasant dream. No, it hadn't been scary, not really. He struggled to remember. Ah, yes, He had woken up, exactly as he did now, in serious need of a restroom. He had never found that bathroom, which, he thought, was a good thing, considering that had he found the toilets he would have been just a little embarrassed upon waking.

"The question is," he thought, "do I get up now, or wait till morning?" He checked his watch, 1:27. Only four hours until it would be light. He checked his watch again. 1:27. "Not _too _long," he thought. He stared off into space, but was never able to think of anything but the time, and of course his very full bladder. After what _had _to have been half an hour, at the very least, he looked at his watch. 1:28.

"That's it!" Duo untangled himself from his sleeping bag. Stepping over Quatre and Trowa, he got to the door and unzipped it. He stepped out, re-zipping the tent behind him.

The fire had died down. The red embers sent ghoul like shadows dancing over the tent, giving the camp an eerie feel, completely different from the warm, friendly feel that had been present earlier in the evening.

"AHhahahahahaha!" came a distant cackle through the trees.

"It's only an annoying camper, an annoying camper," Duo repeated to himself, turning his flashlight onto the path that would be taking him to the bathroom. Dense trees leaned over the road, threatening with their braces out stretched, like cold dead fingers, reaching out from the grave to-

"Don't think like that, they're only trees." Duo's own voice calmed him. Turning a corner the building came into view, florescent lights glowing through chinks in the wood. The door swung faintly with the slightest breath of wind. Dark spiders scurried out of sight as the flashlight swept over their hiding places. This place didn't look at all inviting.

Business finished, Duo walked outside, "It's not _that _scary out here," he thought, starting back to the trail. It seemed he had a new out look on life (walking in the woods late at night with a full bladder can discourage anyone).

"WAAAAHHHH! WAHHHH! Kyo's picking on me again! WAHHH! You're hurting me! WAAAHHHH!!!!!"

Courage forgotten Duo ran back down the pathway.

The wind whispered through the trees. They seemed to be asking each other, "Who is this twitchy American boy? Why is he in our woods? Shall you eat him or shall I?"

Duo had been running frantically through the woods, but now he collapsed on the path. He was _sure_ it was two lefts and a right, or was that two rights and a left?

"Oh! I don't know!" he buried his head in his hands. "Well, at least things can't get any worse," he said, a lump growing in his throat. Duo shined his flashlight down the path. The harsh light seemed to cut the air and bleach the rocks. It made the shadows of a random stump look long and foreboding. The light slowly turned an orangey-yellow colour before going out completely, leaving Duo in darkness.

"Never, never, _never_ say things can't get any worse!" he warned himself, a little late. Duo picked himself up and resolved that he might as well be wandering lost as standing there lost. "Besides, I'm sure to be found if I stay here!"

Being lost in the woods severely messes with the most reasonable person's reasonability, and as Duo had very little of that to begin with. Well... he began to believe his own story. Made up on the spot, there couldn't _possibly _be true, or could it?

The Story of Evil Man Wheaton

(as told by Duo Maxwell)

"It began twenty years ago in these very woods"

"Duo, you didn't even know we were coming here until you asked what the pudding snacks where for last night."

"Shut up Heero! You know I love you," he said in a sweeter tone.

"Shut up." Heero blushed a deep scarlet.

"What began twenty years ago?" Trowa asked, meaning: I could be sleeping, get it over with.

"Oh, yeah, anyway! This guy, his name was Evil Man Wheaton; he escaped from a prison near here."

"What is a prison doing near camp grounds?"

"Because, Fei-Fei, they built it there. Anywho, like I was saying he escaped into the woods and massacred the guy who ran this place."

"Duo, you can't massacre _someone _you massacre a _group _of people."

"Trowa, who's telling the story? Me or you? Me. Ok, he _killed_ the guy. That make you happy?"

"Yep"

"Alrighty then. He had this big kitchen knife thingy, you know, and the blood from his victims was all over his hands, face and shirt. One night while these guys were camping, he hid in the bushes and-"

"Why were they camping there if the guy who ran the place was dead?"

"They didn't ask, Hee-chan, so of course they didn't know. You know, if you guys keep asking me stupid questions then I'm not going to continue telling it."

"If the story wasn't so stupid we wouldn't have to ask stupid questions."

"Fei, if you keep talking I'll _never _finish the story. So... what was I saying? Evil Man Wheaton so ugly that-"

"I thought you said he was behind the tent."

"Trowa, you can just leave."

"Ok"

"Hey! Sit back down! I'm talking! So... anyways... he was always in a bad temper, and his hair was all in his face, he kinda looked like Fei when he wakes up."

"You _do not _know what I look like when I wake up!"

"No, but I can guess!"

"Do you want to die?!"

"Not especially. But really, Evil Man Wheaton hid behind the tent and when they went inside the tent he chopped them up in to hundreds of tiny little pieces! THE END!"

"I thought you said this was a scary story, Duo," spoke Quatre for the first time since the story began

"Well, it_ would_ have been if people didn't keep interrupting me!"

Duo had been tripping down the trail for the past several minuets. Every rustle of leaves, every crunch of gravel, and every breath of wind filled his head with yet another vision of his demise.

_SNAP_! Duo spun around, dead in his tracks, squinting into the darkness. He saw nothing. _RUSTLE, RUSTLE!_ The tree behind Duo moved. A hand pulled back the leaves. The harsh light of a flashlight shone in Duo's eyes as the branches were pulled back. "AHHHH!!!!" Duo spun around and ran blindly in the opposite direction.

"Hey! Come back here!"

"AHH! AHHHHH! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" Duo's voice rung in his own ears. He ran. Eyes closed, stumbling over rocks, roots and other things that could have easily been avoided, had he simply opened his eyes. Tripping over his own feet, Duo fell to the ground. The stranger grabbed Duo's foot in a death grip that made it impossible for Duo to crawl away.

"Please, Please!" Duo pleaded, arms shielding his face. "Don't kill me! I don't want to die! I'm too young... too _beautiful_ to die!"

"Shut up, Duo no baka!"

"AAHH! How do you know my name?!"

"Open your eyes, you moron."

Duo slowly opened an eye and peered out from between his hands. The figure's shoulder length hair was a mess, hiding his face, and his clothes were torn in several places. "Don't hurt me!" Duo begged, throwing himself to the ground. The stranger forced him up to his knees and forced his arms down. Tears rolled down Duo's cheeks. He struggled, but the grip was too strong.

"Oh, you're helpless!" He let go and stood up, helping Duo to his feet. He turned and walked down the path.

"What?" Duo blinked, dazed. "You're letting me go? You mean, you're not going to kill me?"

"No," he said, stopping, "I was going to kill you... horribly... painfully..." he savored these words and continued, "but if you're just going to be a baby about it... it ruins all my fun." He turned towards Duo, brushing back his hair with one hand. For the first time Duo got a good look at the boy. He stood dumbfounded. "Wufei?! What? But? But? I don't...." he trailed off.

Wufei smirked. "It's a good thing I showed up when I did, you would have lost yourself in here forever, sobbing and begging for mercy whenever a squirrel crossed your path-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing wandering through the trees anyway?

"I was just walking back from the bathroom, when I heard some fool running around screaming their head off, I figured it was you, so I came to see what your issue was _this_ time."

"Can we just go back to camp now?" Duo complained loudly.

"You know, had you just continued down the path for a hundred yards, you would have reached our camp site," Wufei replied smugly, leading Duo down the road.

The campfire had been reduced to a few smoldering logs. The smoke billowed up, a gray flaw against the brightening sky of reds and oranges. A pot of water was bubbling quietly on the portable stove. Two styrofoam cups of hot chocolate steamed next to it on the table.

"Maybe they haven't noticed that I left?" Duo said hopefully.

_ZZZIIIP!_ "Duo?! WUFEI?!" Quatre stepped out of the tent. "Where were you guys?! I thought something had happened to you! I was worried!" He ran over, giving Duo and Wufei a hug in turn. "What happened?"

"Um...." Duo mumbled something incomprehensible, cheeks glowing red. Blink, blink.

"Duo got lost on his way back from the bathroom. He was crying when I found him."

Quatre gave Duo a pitying look and handed him du chocolat chaud. Handing the other to Wufei he apologised, "I'm sorry, we seem to have... erm... run out of tea, I hope you don't mind hot chocolate."

"So.... where are the others?" Wufei asked, sipping the drink.

"Out looking for you guys in the woods, I was assigned to 'guard the base' We appointed a meeting time, so Trowa and Heero should be arriving in a few moments-"

"Duo?!"

"Or not"

"Hee-chan!" Duo bolted down the path and leapt into Heero's arms, which really didn't work, and the two of them crashed to the ground.

"Now that we're all here," said Trowa joining the rest, "can we go home now?"

"Yeah," Heero pulled Duo to his feet, "this camping trip kinda blew."

"Don't say that!" Duo said in his usual cheerfulness, "it wasn't that bad, if you uncount-"

"Discount," corrected Quatre

"If you _discount_ me getting lost."

"I'll pack up the tent," volunteered Trowa.

"And I've got the car." Heero moved toward the car.

"Hey! Hey!" Duo shouted as everyone began clearing the campground, "Come on! What're you doing! We can't go yet! I wanna stay! Just one more day! Please!"

The End


End file.
